It’s been a while since I’ve had the time to just sit down and write. It’s Sunday morning- Pepper and I just got back from a nice run on the track of a local high school. The house is clean and I just put in the last load of laundry for the day. This is the first time in a long time that I feel like I’m all caught up and can finally relax. It sure does feel good 🙂
Here’s some updates on my life:
My New Job- I took the position at Battelle in Columbus, OH. I am SO excited for the fresh start. I told everyone at my current job and they were sad to see me go, but were very supportive. Aaron and I spend all last weekend search for a new apartment and we have some really good options. I spent this weekend calling and setting up appointments to view them (we are flying out to Columbus mid July). I want a place that has some character- it’s going to be a lot of fun making a decision. I bought some boxes and started packing this weekend too. My plan to back a few boxes every now and then so when it gets closer to moving day we don’t have too much to do. We are still working on the plan for Aaron. He talked with INL and it seems that he will be able to work from home for a little to finish up his papers. This would be awesome because it would give him time to job search once we move there. I’m worried this is stressing him out, but so far he seems to be okay with it- honestly, we’ve been so busy there hasn’t been much time to even think about it. No matter what, we have each other and that’s really all we need- the rest will work itself out. We will be starting the drive to Columbus on July 29th- I CAN’T WAIT!!
Health and Fitness- I finally mustered up the guts to weigh myself after the second pregnancy, miscarriage and trip to Italy and San Antonio. I gained a total of 10 pounds throughout it all and I was not feeling too happy with myself. As soon as I got back to Idaho Falls I began a workout plan and eating healthy again. Since then I have lost 5.8 of those 10 lbs! I’m so proud of myself. I jumped right back into it- I didn’t beat myself up about the weight gained and it only took about a week and a half to start to feel better. All I can say is that I am super proud of myself!
The Baby Situation- I hate that I have to call it that. This is definitely a situation though. After I got back from Italy I went and had some tests done to see if we could figure out why I had another miscarriage. They did an ultrasound of my uterus to look for anatomical abnormalities, and did two blood tests- one to check my thyroid and the other to check for a rare clotting disease that could be stopping the development of the baby. I was praying that it was a simple fix- like my thyroid. Isn’t that insane?! I was hoping for a test to come back with results that could pinpoint a reason this keeps happening. For me, it would be easier to handle a third pregnancy knowing that I was taking medicine to help fix the problem. This isn’t how it turned out though. All of the tests showed no signs of an issue. The doctor signed off on Aaron and I trying a third time and told me that if it happens again we would be transferred to an infertility clinic for further testing. I’m having a hard time with this. I can’t believe that a woman must go through 3 miscarriages before getting the help and treatment she needs to have a healthy baby.
I feel like society has raised us to only tell the happy and exciting stories about having a baby. It’s frustrating. Facebook is filled with pictures of pregnant women and their healthy babies. It’s a stab in the heart each time I log on- I understand that they are nothing but happy and excited but there are real women out there suffering losses that are so painful. I have been thinking about this a lot- more than is probably healthy. I think it’s time that we start recognizing these women and supporting them in every way possible. I decided that once we move to Ohio I’m going to make an appointment at the doctors to update him/her on everything that has happened (I don’t want the first time I visit to be during a third miscarriage). I then plan on finding out if there are support groups or ways that I can help voice the opinions of myself and others going through similar situations. There’s got to be something out there right? I’m determined to find out.
So I think that’s it- there’s some frustrating bad things happening in my life but there sure is a lot of good too. I just have to stay positive and enjoy the happy moments in my life. I know with time this will all work out. Someday Aaron and I will give birth to a healthy baby. I’m grateful for the awareness this situation has given me. I know now that there are many things I can say and do that hurt others without me even realizing it. I’ve learned that you never know what someone is quietly struggling with- it’s important to always be kind and understanding of those around you. I truly believe that all of this is happening to me for a reason. Maybe that reason is for me to see and understand how difficult having a baby can be. Maybe I’m meant to help others experiencing the same painful feelings I do- maybe I’m meant to break the societal chains that tell us having a baby is nothing but an amazing and happy moment in the lives of women.
This is a tough moment in my life- but it’s also temporary. I believe in myself and I know that I am strong enough to handle this. My hope is that all women struggling to get pregnant feel this too.