I’ve noticed that as I am getting older I’ve become more aware of my actions. I pay closer attention to the way I handle the situations that arise in my life and I try to make decisions that will maintain a certain level of happiness and peace for both for me and other people in my life.
Unfortunately, I don’t always make the best decisions (after all I am only human and make mistakes right? Plus I am Italian, which means I have VERY strong beliefs about certain aspects of my life and have a hard time keeping in my thoughts when people disagree with me about them- anyone who has taken the time to get to know me has figured this out about me but they realize it is coming from a good place and I truly mean no harm). The problem is that I don’t just let it go when something (or someone) bothers me. I dwell on the fact that I could have/should have said or did something different. I find myself over analyzing the event and although this comes in handy in some situations it also can be a really toxic to my way of thinking. I catch myself reflecting about the way a conversation went, or replaying the terrible words that someone said to me over and over again for hours after the event occurred! I tell myself that I didn’t make the right choice in the way I handled the situation and think of all the other options I could have attempted to solve the problem. I try to tell myself that everyone is different- that the way others approach a problem is not always going to be in the same manner that I would but I still have a hard time just letting go of all my thoughts and feelings that are connected to an event that caused discomfort in my life (an event that I have no control over and cannot change).
Although I have not completely figured out how to let go of life events that are out of my control, I have found ways to clear my mind and feel better in situations that make me feel frustrated or angry. I realized very quickly in these frustrating moments that I am not okay with living this way. I’ve promised myself that I will stop doing this and I have been working on ways to cope with this negative aspect of my personality. I believe, without a doubt, that I will learn to handle these situations and I have even caught myself more recently doing a better job of just relaxing and letting go of situations that are out of my control. When I am able to do this it feels amazing! I am happy in the moment and pretty damn proud of myself for letting someone else win the battle, whatever it may be 😉
So here is what I have come up- Effective Ways to Let Go and Move On (aka learning to Let It Be):
- Don’t Live in the Past- If I catch myself reliving an event or conversation that happened in the past I immediately stop thinking about it and force myself to think of one thing in that moment that I am grateful for. This helps me to realize that my life is pretty amazing and I should appreciate what I have and not dwell on something I can’t change.
- Surround Yourself with Positive People and Thoughts- You can’t pick your family, but you can pick the people you interact with on a regular basis, why not pick people who lift you up and don’t drag you down with negativity? This is true for your inner thoughts too, it’s hard to imagine this but you are the one controlling every thought you have. Don’t let negative thoughts take over your brain and push out all the positive thoughts that make you feel happy and smile. Be strong and proud of who you are, and never let the words of others bring you down.
- Take a Minute- It’s completely okay to find a quiet place for just a minute, close your eyes and remind yourself that everything is going to be okay. Doing this always helps to clear my head and not thinking about the problem at hand forces you to revisit the problem from a different angle- a calmer and composed angle. In that quiet moment I try to remind myself that everyone is different and their views on the same issue are not the same as mine…and that’s okay. It’s okay to just let it be, agree to disagree.
- Be Thankful for the Opportunity- This may seem like a weird one, but hear me out. If the actions of another person upset you and you spoke your mind simply letting them know how you feel, you stood up for your own beliefs. You disagreed with someone because it did not feel right to you, and you remained true to yourself. You believed in the person you are. In my opinion this opportunity is something to be thankful for and something you should be proud of. Remember your proud moment, and then move on.
- Embrace and Welcome the Change- An argument or confrontation can be an eye opener into an area of your life where there is potential for change. You can walk away from the situation feeling upset, defeated and angry or you can walk away recognizing an area of your life where you might have the opportunity to change your way of thinking. I truly believe that being capable of changing is the strongest trait a person can have, it just may take some time. Lucky for us, time is on our side, and you will most likely have a chance in the future to relive the same experience with an outcome that you are more satisfied with. Doing this may prevent future unwanted discomfort in your life because you were capable of taking a confrontation and turning it into a learning opportunity.
I have to say that over the past several months I have been working really hard on ways to just move on from the toxic events and people in my life. I’ve been feeling calmer and more in control of my negative thoughts. There are times that they catch up with me but I seem to be bouncing back much quicker and not letting the actions of others control my happiness. Every day I get just a little bit closer to being able to let the problems of my life go with full trust that everything will be okay. I am able to focus more on the important moments of my life and I’m really enjoying it.
So that’s my life lesson for today- Let it be. Maybe someday when you get older you’ll look back on this post and it will help you with a problem you are having in your life. I hope you know that you are not the only one with problems, even your mom was struggling with this issue at one point in her life. The important thing to remember is that you have a family that loves you more than anything, and what could be better than that? 🙂